Brutal Truth Motors: Free Free Free Free Free!

Brutal Truth Motors

“And now for something completely different.”

Welcome back to Brutal Truth Motors. If you haven’t been here before, it can be a fun time, just don’t expect me to sugar coat anything. I’ve had a lot of fun sharing the truth behind the myth that your bank can/will get you a better interest rate than we can, and the truth about employee pricing.

Once again though, as always, I’m mad about something. Go figure. I just got out of an advertising meeting where I learned that apparently, we can’t use the word “free” in our advertising.

“Complimentary?” Nope. “Chargeless?” “No charge?” “Costless?” “Cuffo?” “For nothing?” “Freebie?” “Gratis?” No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Who’s ever even heard anyone use the word “cuffo?” But Thesaurus.com says it’s a synonym for “free,” so it’s outta there!

Obviously I’m not a lawyer. Heck, I don’t even play one on TV, but something just seems wrong here. We deal in cars. They are expensive. Sometimes we have to offer some extra things so people feel a little more comfortable making a purchase. For example, we might offer a free vacation to Las Vegas with the purchase of a new or used automobile. Or, we might say: “Free scheduled maintenance for 24 months with the purchase of a used vehicle.”

Those don’t sound outrageous, unreasonable, or deceptive, do they? Yet, those are both completely 100% banned! The powers-that-be that regulate advertising claim that since you have to purchase a car to get the vacation or the free maintenance plan, it’s not actually free. Come on. If, one day, you pay an amount and get just a car, and then pay the same amount the next day and get the car and the trip to Las Vegas, what would you call the vacation? I would call it free!

Is the crappy toaster no longer a free gift when you open a checking account? Is the secret-decoder ring at the bottom of my box of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs not a free prize anymore?

I guess not. And that’s just too bad.